The Ex Wins

That moment when you discover that your ex is having sex again… monogamously. Somehow, it’s understandable when you learn of one night stands, two week flings, but longterm love? I now have two of these ignominious moments under my belt. They both suck. The worst part is, I instigated the end of both of my big loves. I suppose that this should mean an easier recovery, but when you confidently declare the end of a relationship, there is always a subconscious belief that you have won a small victory. You’ve freed yourself of responsibility and arguments and paved the way for new, “better,” boyfriends. These unknown men will begin sprinting toward you without pause. However, that pause is real long. Like that time that Arrested Development or Futurama stopped airing. Years later someone found the gumption to woo them back to life, but once again, years later.

Perhaps I sound a bit melodramatic, but it tends to happen when life hands you a nasty taste of Karma. With the bitching behind me, how will I crawl out of this relationship black hole? Online dating sexting of course! Yesterday I signed up for OKCupid. I feel silly, quite silly. However, I’ve always been interested in psychology and sociology and all of these online dating sites provide plenty of social fodder and intellectual inquiry.

The good news is: I’m not a total dating pariah, but the bad news: there are a lot of crazies to combat out there. Case(s) in point: prospect number one: “Are you strict on your age range?” Me: “Yup.” Potential Dude: “Too bad, I’m one of the rare men on this site who are looking for something serious rather than hookups.” The inclination to remind a 23 yr old that he has his whole life ahead of him is tempting, but I’ll let him discover this for himself. I want to remind him that he’s 23, life is going to be grand. Second encounter: seemingly normal until… the inevitable shirtless pic. I inform the unnamed gentleman that he looks creepy with his black and white half naked photo. It was a polite reminder, but not well received (shocking). Potential suitor number 800 reminds me that I “should feel thankful that he is even talking to me.” Aside from the numerous grammatical flaws that punctuated our brief and uninteresting online relationship, his enthusiasm to drop trow and sophomorically belittle me were further affirmation that online dating is going to be interesting. Real interesting. More to come, but as for now. Who knows what tomorrow’s Charlie834 has in store. Here’s to endless dates with, hopefully, endless stories.